


Just...

by Nikte



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-04 23:07:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5351807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikte/pseuds/Nikte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Accepting that you don´t want to be part of a relationship anymore, isn´t easy, specially when you still love the other person. Greg reflects on his feelings, wants and needs.</p><p>Now a multichapter fic and I changed the rating for future chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just thinking...

**Author's Note:**

> So after years and years of reading fanfiction, I finally had the courage to write something, it´s not even long, but well, I hope somone likes it.  
> Just a warning, English isn´t my tongue and I don´t have a beta, so there are probably a ton of spelling and grammar mistakes, please don´t mind them.  
> I wrote this ficlet inspired by a song called "No te quiero nada" by HA*ASH, you can listen to it in the following link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksDaneswSCQ
> 
> Totally forgot about the disclaimer, so here it is: I don´t own or created the Sherlock Holmes story and characters, I just like to play with them.

Just anyone could fall in lust with Mycroft Holmes, after all selfconfidence and power are quite strong aphrodisiacs, but to fall in love with him, and stay in love with him, well, that required a special kind of person. Someone selfasured who could shake off the doubts created by the fact that no matter what, Mycroft could out do all your life archivementes in a single work day. Someone mature enough to understand that Mycroft’s job would take precedence to birthdays, anniversaries and other special dates. Someone strong enough to remind Mycroft that in a relationship, both parts are equal, but at the same time selfless enough to carry the burden of keeping the relationship going with out expecting to be thanked. Someone sensitive enough to know that Mycroft returns the feelings, even if he never has said those 3 little words. Someone patient enough to accept that Mycroft would keep secrets and leave for days on end with his very atractive PA to do only God knows what. Someone …  
And I wonder if I am that someone, if I am enough…  
No!!!! I cant think like this, it makes me so angry with myself because I don´t know how to balance all that; I don´t want to become a door mat, I don´t want to lose myself to become nothing more than Mycroft´s “partner”, but if I´m honest, I´m afraid I have already done that…What is my place in Mycroft life? More importantly, who am I? What do I want? I don´t know any more…  
Yes, being in a relationship, means reaching agreements and compromising, but lately I feel like I´m the only one who makes concessions without reciving anything, not even companionship…  
All this has to stop, I´m afraid to turn around a few years from now and realice my heart and my life are empty…For God sakes, I´m not a dainty lady in a Victorian romance novel who accepts everything and hides behind a soft smile.  
Yes, I entered this relationship without listening to reason. I gambled my feelings, hoping to gain a coldhearted man…what was I expecting? Yeah, maybe I deserve all this: the pain, the selfdoubt; but I don´t want it any more.  
So what I´m going to do? Run away? Would Mycroft even notice that I´m gone? Really? Stop being so dramatic, leave that to Sherlock…Of course Mycroft wold notice my absence, besides I´m not a teenager anymore, I can´t run away from my problems, I have to face them, talk with Mycroft, tell him how I feel, without doubting myself, without being afraid of hurting him, without putting myself down…But, will he listen? Will he understand me? Or as always, he would turn my words against me, with all his logic arguments that hypnotise me and convince me that spending my life with him is the best thing I can do?  
No, no, no, remember: You don´t want this anymore, at least not the way things are right now; if you stay, changes will have to be made…But how? Will Mycroft accept to change things about our relationship?  
Who I am I kidding? I can´t just talk about this with him face to face; if I look into his eyes, I will just lose myself like always…And if the says…No, he would never say that, and if he does I guess it wouldn´t mean anything to me, because I know him, I know he is a master of using words to manipulate everyone around him.  
Really? You know what to do, you have already made a decisión, even if you don´t want to realice it…  
I can´t stay…  
How can I really love Mycroft if I don´t love myself?  
How can I love myself when I don´t know who I am anymore?  
I´m so gone…  
He´s back, I just heard him openning the door…  
-*-*-*-*-*-*  
Hello Greg dear, how was your day?


	2. Just deciding...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mycroft´s point of view about his relationship with Greg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So thanks to the great support and nice comments of lemmondropped, Krefftii, AnJoan Grey and EventHorizon, this has become a multichapter fic, not sure how long or how often I´ll update but this is oficially a work in progress :)
> 
> I want to say THANK YOU to Anjoan Grey for the help as beta of this story. You are awesome, and I really appreciate the fact that you took time to read and correct my ramblings. :)

He is leaving. I have no doubt about that. Well, he stayed longer than I expected. 

He is such a sentimental man, but also quite mature, I must give him that, because even though he cares deeply, he is still able to make rational, calm decisions. His divorce is proof of that; no shows of bravado to make up for his wounded pride once everybody knew his ex-wife had cheated, nor endless rants against her. He just accepted his mistakes for the ending of that relationship and went on with his life. And I guess that is what he will do now. If only I could do the same.

When I started my relationship with him, I did so knowing that when the end would come, he will not make a scene, he will not blame me. That´s the extent of his generosity, and that whole idea is the extent of my jaded negativity – beginning a relationship thinking of how it was going to end. 

But that is who I am, ever the realistic one; the one analysing advantages and disadvantages to achieve the better outcome, but knowing without a doubt that it will not last. Humans love stories that end with “Happily ever after”, turning a blind eye to the fact that nothing is forever; things change, situations change, people get tired of “the same”.

So I knew that my dear Gregory, ever so joyful and positive, was going to get tired of the “Iceman” fairly quickly. I thought we would be together for a couple of months, until we burned up the undeniable attraction between the two of us; but then he surprised me, he wasn´t just interested in bedding the “Iceman”, he wanted to establish a relationship with… me. 

I witnessed his astounding ability to love, so I allowed myself to acknowledge my feelings for the first time in many years. Yes, Sherlock and I pride ourselves of being rational and we tell to whoever wants to listen that we do not do sentiment; but as I once heard “Tell me what you brag about and I will be able to point out your weaknesses”. 

Yes, I feel, I feel deeply and passionately, and that scares me. Facts, truths, the other person’s motivations – I can deal with those, but I just do not know what to do with my feelings, so I ignore them as best as I can, locking them up, convincing everybody that I am not human enough. By making others believe that I do not feel I reinforce the lies I tell to myself and most of the times I forget I do, indeed, have a heart.

Despite all that, for him I shed, at least temporarily, my cold persona. While I was with him I wanted to be happy, and started finding pleasure in the little things of life, like watching the moon or hearing his heartbeat while he slept. 

But the truth is that after so many years of denying myself in order to be the “British Government”, as my dear brother calls me, I do not know how to live like a… goldfish. Such a placid life is not enough for me, and I find it too complicated to compartmentalize in order to be the Iceman at the office and Mycroft at home, because one started to bleed into the other at the least opportune of moments. And that is why for years I denied having a heart, it is easier to ignore than to control.

And what was my solution? Distancing myself from Gregory, because I do not know how to explain all this to him without hurting his feelings, without turning his love into hate. 

Look at me, the mastermind that can sweet talk entire governments, does not know what to say to his partner to make him stay. Pathetic.

The problem is I do not want to lie to him anymore, and telling him the truth is out of the question. The last thing I want is to make him feel inadequate, because he is not, he is a worthy human being and someone I feel proud of calling mine, but at the same time, he is not enough for me to leave behind my work. As horrible as that sounds, it is the truth, I am addicted to the power I hold and at this point in time I will not relinquish it, not even for Gregory.

And relinquishing that power is the only thing that would make it possible for Gregory and I to stay together; otherwise, any change I make would only be short lived, because once sentiment started affecting my work, I would distance myself from him again, in order to be what I have to be at the office: the Iceman.

I love him. Love will not last forever because – I know – nothing does, but I also know without a doubt that I will care for Gregory until the day I die. 

I am not strong enough or selfish enough to make him stay. I will let him go. I will forget what it felt like to embrace him. I will not ponder of what we could have had, but I will keep the memories of his warmth and his voice – because inexplicably, those things helped the “British Government” make decisions when the cold and emptiness of the World overwhelmed him.

Well, I´m home…

Time to plaster on my face that fake smile he hates so much.

-*-*-*-*-*-* 

Hello Greg dear, how was your day?


	3. Just talking...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And finally Grey and Mycroft say out loud what they have been thinking.
> 
> When I wrote this chapter, I thought that the next two songs would be perfect for it:
> 
> "Durmiendo con la luna" by the Elefante https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLRcFxyxAh0  
> "Desde que llegaste" by Reyli https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZHWpipA2A0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two in a day!!! Yeah, not going to happen again. :)
> 
> AnJoan Grey thank you for all your help. :)

“Hello Greg dear, how was your day?”

“You know, like always, nothing new. People murdering people. Sherlock annoying people. I in the middle of all that, so Sherlock doesn´t become one of the murdered ones. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Well, I commend you for your dedication, I for one would have let Sherlock be one of the murdered ones a long time a ago.”

“Yeah, well, I must be honest and say that – thanks to John dealing with Sherlock, everything has become easier for me.”

“No doubt about that, the good Doctor really knows how to handle my brother. Dr. Watson will be an excellent father one day; he certainly knows how to put a stop to epic temper tantrums.”

“You are right.”

“Everything is in order? You seem quiet today.”

“I…Mycroft…”

“Yes, do go on Gregory, I am listening.”

“Are you sure?”

“Excuse me? I do not know what you mean Gregory.”

“Do you really listen to me when I talk to you? Do you understand that I… God I don´t know how to say it.”

“Care for a little help? I think I know where this conversation is leading.”

“Ok, go ahead, if you are so sure of what I´m thinking.”

“You are not satisfied by the state of our relationship. Yes, Gregory I know and understand that, but I am letting you know right now, that I think there is nothing I can do about that.”

“There is nothing you can do? Really? Did you just listen to what you said?”

“Yes, Gregory, I did. It seems you have the misconception that there is something wrong with my ears. It is the second time you point out how I do not listen. I can assure you that I have perfect hearing.”

“See!!! I knew it, if I tried to talk to you, you would just use my own words to show me how silly I am.”

“I am sorry Gregory, that was never my intention, I was just trying for some levity, since you seem so worried. Please, tell me what is in your mind, I will not interrupt you. And would you please stop staring out the window and be kind enough to look at me while we talk?”

“I can´t.”

“Excuse me?”

“And you wonder why I think there is something wrong with your hearing.”

“As you would phrase it: You got me there. Seriously Gregory what is it you want to tell me.”

“I´m tired…Tired of whatever it is we have. A few months ago I would have called it our relationship, but right now, I don´t think this… thing between you and me qualifies as that. I feel… empty and every night, whether you are with me or not, I feel alone. I love you, I swear I do, but I need you with me to go on. I don´t want to become a bitter old stay at home…”

“Husband? We are not married.”

“Yeah, thank you Mycroft I noticed that, it´s not like you formalized or even acknowledged our relationship in front of others besides Sherlock, John and Anthea, and sometimes I feel that the only reason she knows about us is due to security protocols.”

“But…”

“And you said you wouldn´t interrupt me. What I mean is that I don´t know who I am to you anymore. We live together and I know you aren´t seeing anyone behind my back but I don´t feel you with me anymore. Am I making any sense? I tell myself I must be patient, that your job is too demanding, even more than mine, and that, naturally, it makes you cold and distant sometimes; but then I feel that is just a lie, an excuse I made up to justify the way you are acting towards me; and what is worst, an excuse to justifying the fact that I let you pull all that sheet on me, and that makes me so angry!!! I turned into someone I don´t want to be to stay with you.”

“I never promised you forever.”

“You could have tried.”

“I didn´t want to.”

“So that´s it?”

“Please clarify.”

“You don´t love me anymore?”

“I didn´t say that.”

“Please don´t. Don´t talk in riddles, don´t say things the meaning of which is so ambiguous that if I try, I would hear what I want to hear, or worst, hear what I´m afraid of hearing.”

“Once again, I am not sure I am following your train of thought Gregory.”

“You´ve never said you love me, but somehow I think you do love me. With your previous response, I could go two ways: one, you still love me; two, you have never loved me.”

“Gregory, if anyone has come close to understand me completely, that is you. You know what I feel for you. I know you are not happy with me. I know you expect me to change some things, but the truth is that nothing will change. And I also know that by saying that I am basically putting an end to our relationship.”

“Yeah, you are… You know I was willing to try, to reach some kind of compromise.”

“I know. But at this moment I am not capable of giving you what you want. I am not like you, I am every bit the selfish cold hearted man everybody says I am.”

“No, you are not, you are just scared. I would have liked to be the one who gives you enough incentives for you to face your fear, but I guess I came short.”

“It is not you Gregory… it is me…”

“Oh, please, what are we, teenagers? Don’t come up with that crappy line, you are way too intelligent to say that, and even myself – with my normal brain – I am more intelligent than to buy that.”

“I am sorry. What I meant to say is that you proved to be an excellent partner, but right now I find myself in a place where I cannot establish a successful relationship without my work suffering for it. I lack the… emotional abilities to balance my profession and my personal life, and because of that I know I have been inflicting undue pain to your person, and since you are one of the few human beings who deserve my regard, I find it necessary to treat this issue with honesty and tell you that I understand it is in your best interests to put an end to our relationship.”

“So… you are not even trying to convince me to stay?... No, don´t say anything more, you have said enough. I won´t impose my presence on you anymore, I´ll go pick a change of clothes and tomorrow, while you are at work I´ll come to pick up the rest of my things.”

“There is no need for that. Actually you can stay here as long as you want. I know that by moving in here you had to give up your apartment. And before you refuse my offer, you must know that before you came here, I basically lived at the office, which is where I will be sleeping tonight. This was never my home before you came. Please Gregory let me do this for you. It is the least I can do.”

“Ok, thank you, I´ll start looking somewhere to live, hopefully by next month I´ll be out of here.”

“There is no rush. When you are ready to move out just inform Anthea.”

“You know, Mycroft, you will regret this, giving up on us.”

“I already do my dear.”

“Goodbye, Mycroft…”

“Goodbye, my love…”


	4. Just calling...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It´s been a year since their break up. By the way Mycroft treats Sherlock, Greg should have forseen that Mycroft wouldn´t let him go, not really...
> 
> My personal soundtrack for this chapter:
> 
> "Suelta mi mano" by Sin Bandera https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hl5WPB7Xtfo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may seem I´m just going in circules, but I swear I´m heading somewhere. I belive we sometimes are too afraid to see what is in front of us; we turn a blind eye to the sings in fear we could be reading them wrong, specially when they are related to what we think/hope other personas feel about us. So that is what I´m trying to describe with this story, how relationships are experienced differently by each member of a couple, and also, how as fast as life has become, there are still things that take time.

Well, that wasn´t as satisfying as I thought it would be. Although I should have expected that, since it´s like the tenth cup I throw against the wall…

“He just wants to know if I´m doing well…” My ass. As if he didn´t know how I have been. I may not be as observant as the fabulous Holmes brothers; but I´ve noticed that at the most insecure crime scenes one or two of his men are there. And I don´t think it´s a coincidence that lately, New Scotland Yard is worried about the overall wellbeing of its officers and periodically has them fill in a questionnaire, the topics of which tend to hit too close to personal matters. I bet he has access to the results and just from that deduces how I have been; furthermore, I bet he himself drafts those questionnaires….

Really Greg? Paranoid much, don´t you think?

Argh!!!!! It´s been a year since we broke it off… Why the hell does he have to phone every damn month?!?!? 

I´ll have to agree with Sherlock; Mycroft is an overbearing control freak. And that just makes me angrier, agreeing with Sherlock in non-case related things is something I tend not to do on principle.

I know it is not like I have told him to stop calling… But guess it´s time I made that clear, and no matter what he says I will be very firm about that.  
Yes, he can explain to his heart’s content why he keeps in touch; but I just can´t keep doing it, my feelings are already a mess without having to add the burden of expecting his call every month.

Why can´t he let me go? No, don´t go there, don’t try to analyse why Mycroft does the things he does. Besides what good will any explanation do to you? The truth is you still love him, just the way he is; and he still loves his freedom and his job more than he loved you…

God!!! It still hurts. At least I didn’t have to see him. I don´t know what I would do if I saw him in person. I´d probably hit him and then kiss him. Yeah right, I must be honest with myself, if by any chance I run into him, I would probably turn around and flee in the opposite direction as fast as I can. Am I pathetic or what?

Argh!!!!!!!! I´m going to get over him, I swear I am. But for that to happen, he must stop calling!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I´m going to tell him exactly that next time he calls. Well, no, I´m obviously not going to tell him that I´m finding it difficult to forget him, I´m just going to tell him there is no need or point in him calling every month, that I´m a grown man and that I can take care of myself. Thank you very much!!!

I´ll also tell him that I don´t care if he feels the need to call me, I don´t want him to call me. What for? We aren´t a couple anymore; it´s not his job to look after me and it´s not my job to… please him. 

It´s not like we have a lot to talk about… Each call last less than a few minutes. It´s just “…Hello, how have you been? How have things been at work? Are you in good health?” Really who asks those things when calling an ex-lover? Better question, who calls an ex-lover every fucking month to enquire about their well-being?

Fucking Mycroft Holmes!!!!!!!!!! Who does he think he is?!?!?!?

I´m so stupid and weak when it comes to him… I´m pathetic… I´m a masochist… and I´m definitely going into therapy. Next time I see John I´ll ask him to give me his shrink´s telephone…

(Laughs in his head) Right, like I want Sherlock to know that. Although he probably does know, he must have deduced all of it, I´m sure he even knew when the relationship with Mycroft and myself would end… before I did, and the only reason he hasn´t blurted it all out at a crime scene is because John must have told him it would be A little not good…

I just want all this to be over. It´s exhausting. I don´t want to spend every month waiting for his call, what´s the point? I only end up hating myself for it. WHAT´S WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just want to forget.

If I just knew how to…

* - * - * - * - *  
One Month Later  
“Lestrade here”  
“Hello Greg, I…”  
“Mycroft, I´m just going to say this once: Don´t call me anymore. Goodbye”


	5. Just obsessing...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Mexico we have a saying that goes like this: "Nobody knows what she/he has, until she/he loses it"; and I think it applies exactly to what Mycroft is feeling.
> 
> When I write a chapter I always have a song in mind. Well when I do pretty much anything of some significance in my life, I´ve got a song in mind, does anyone else has "soundtracked" their life? Anyway, for this chapter I thought of the song "Lo que son las cosas" it´s a song of the 80, that was recently made a cover by a singer named Yuridia, you can check the video in this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kt1DAfbDXus
> 
> If anyone wants the translation, let me know :)
> 
> Also, I didn't point out which were the songs I were listening to when writing chapters 3 and 4, so I´m going to make the proper changes for those.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story, has taken its own way, and as much as I thought it will be only be 3 chapters long, it seems I will be writing at least six in total. I can´t believe it!!!
> 
> An enormous THANK YOU to my beta AnJoan Grey (awesome writer love her stories; if you like Star Trek and the paring Spock/Bones, you can´t miss her work) Thank you for looking over my work, but must of all, thank you for keeping me writing.
> 
> Also any mistake in the summary and notes is all mine :)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read this story, a big hug for those who have commented and/or bookmared it. I CAN´T BELIEVE IT!!! and it´s awesome. I´ve been reading fanfiction for years (at least ten) and I never tried to write it, not even about my favorite which was Snarry, but I don´t know, there is just something about Mystrade that calls to me (and no, it isn´t just because of my filthy porn imagination lol)...So, enough of my ramblings, again thank you, and I hope you keep enjoying this story

I need a drink… Really, was it so difficult to reach an agreement in order to declare a moratorium on arms sale?… Were it not in the best interest of the country to have such morons in public posts, I would have implemented the right changes in order to have those posts occupied by competent persons… Perhaps someday…

Alas, not the time to think about that; after all, today is my scheduled monthly call to Gregory. If Sherlock knew… He would surely laugh at me, such a sign of sentiment, but I cannot deny to myself the fact that these calls are the highlights of my days, they keep me sane in some inexplicable way… I do not know what it is about Gregory, I just cannot envision my life without him. 

For a few months I thought it was not him, not precisely, I deluded myself with the idea that old age was weighing on my subconscious and that somehow I had grown accustomed to sleeping with a warm body besides me… But I could not have been more wrong, it is not due to habit that I miss Gregory, I miss him because I love him, and my massive intellect cannot do anything to hide or deny that.

Not one of the men with whom I shared sexual encounters in the months after the end of our relationship could satisfy me… None of them felt right or smelt right… Who would have thought that Gregory´s smell would become something of a fetish for me. Just remembering it makes me burn with need; at the same time it suits me… It is strange how the human mind works; Gregory´s smell is something I have come to associate with passion… but also with home.

Home… I never felt I belonged somewhere, not even at my parents’ house, but with Gregory… it was all so different, he made me feel accepted, understood, loved… And I gave that up… What for? Power? No, I guess it was even more stupid and selfish than that, I gave up Gregory because of arrogance, because I did not want to accept I was wrong, and that I actually needed him not only to be happy, but to be able to keep on living…

Oh, How the mighty have fallen!

I need him. I need him. I need him.

But I just do not know how to get him back. 

I am terrified he will find someone else, it will not be difficult; after all, he is a wonderful man… But I will not let that happen, I will not let him forget me. That is why I call him every month, and yes, that only shows what a nasty selfish bastard I am, but I do not care. He is mine, and I will make sure he never forgets that, even if we are not together…

No one else can have him, no one else can touch him, no else can kiss him, no one else will see how sublime he looks while in the throes of ecstasy. The way he gave himself to me completely… That is mine, and I will reclaim him when the time is right… His heart… His body…

My sweet, sweet Gregory… if only he knew how he fills my dreams! Not one of my moments of rest goes by without my subconscious revisiting our nights together… Funny, until he left, I had not noticed that our encounters always took place during the night, must have been due to our work schedules. 

I guess that is why I am obsessed in imagining what it would be like to make love to him during the day, kissing his skin while it is being touched by sunshine, hearing his moans mingle with the sounds of the city… Those thoughts have saved me from really boring meetings, although they have also jeopardized certain negotiations… I still remember that meeting at the French Embassy… I just could not help imagining my Gregory tied to one of those leather coaches, calculating how long before he begged me to let him come with the stimulation of both, the feel of such soft leather on his skin and my cock buried deep inside of him… I still remember the first time I used that kind of language, he was so surprised. He never stopped being amazed by the fact that I can talk dirty, and I enjoyed it immensely doing it because it always drove him wild when I talked dirty to him…

(Laughs out loud) And once again I am letting my arrogance guide my desires… No, Gregory is not a thing that belongs to me, and he will certainly not appreciate the way I view him. 

I know reclaiming him will not be easy, he still loves me and he certainly has not opposed any resistance to my monthly calls, but convincing him or restabilising our relationship is a complete different issue, one I will have to approach with my best arguments… I know he once told me that “The heart has its own arguments which cannot be understood by reason”, but I am confident…

No, I cannot be foolish enough to believe Gregory will take me back easily, and arguments will not bring him back, he will only say I am telling pretty lies…

But I am unable to process all this differently… I am no expert in dealing with my emotions… I love him, in the only way I know how… I hope it is enough…

Well, time to call him…

\- * - * - * - * -

“Lestrade here”  
“Hello Greg, I…”  
“Mycroft, I´m just going to say this once: Don´t call me anymore. Goodbye”


	6. Just talking...again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now Mycroft wants to talk, because we all know that what Mycroft wants, Mycroft gets...Right?
> 
> Soundtrack for this chapter: Only love can hurt like this by the awesome Paloma Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! for all of you who have been reading this story you made the end of 2015 to be great and have given me something else to look for in this 2016 THANK YOU, it´s great to know my crazy ideas are material worth reading :)
> 
> I don´t know when I will be updating since next week I´m back to work, but hopefully I won´t take too long.
> 
> Hugs for all of you xoxoxo

What a horrible day at work!!!! I´ll choose to deal with a triple homicide instead of boring paperwork anytime. Wow, that just made me sound as morbid as a certain “highly functional sociopath” (Laughs in his head). Well I´m finally home, but something feels off…

As Gregory walks into the living room, he notices someone is sitting on the couch.

“What the hell are you doing here? How did you get in?”

“Who do you think taught Sherlock how to pick locks?”

He rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, must have guessed it. But again, what the hell are you doing here?”

“You said you did not want me to approach you via telephone, so…”

“Ok, let me interrupt. It seems I wasn’t clear, so let me just say this: I DON´T WANT TO HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH YOU, MYCROFT. I didn´t mean I wanted to change your monthly calls for monthly visitations. Who do you think you are? My parole officer or what?”

“My Gregory, you make it sound that moving out of my house was like getting out of jail; though if I remember correctly you did have a certain liking for handcuffs…”

Bringing that up was… Will he ever stop being such a self-centred, arrogant, smartass?? No, he won´t… why do I have to find that such a sexy thing on him?...  
And now he knows that comment really got to me.  
That sly smile of his says it all.   
Well, can´t blame me… it´s been a while since I got laid...  
The bastard, it wasn´t enough that he stole my heart, he also prevented me from taking another lover or fuck buddy or one-night stands, no one can compare to him… No one owned me the way he did, because that was what it felt like every time we made love, it was like he was claiming me, marking me…  
Ok, not the time to remember what it felt like to be touched by him… No I can´t get goose bumps or shudder right now… I won´t give him that satisfaction.   
Greg, control your body, you can do it, you aren’t a hormone driven teenager any more…  
Fine, mission accomplished…

“Is everything all right Gregory? You seem quite tense.”

“Well, I wonder why that would be. Oh, I know, I walk into my apartment, which from the outside seem unperturbed, to find my… to find someone sitting on my couch with all the lights off… Forgive me if that took me by surprise.”

“I apologize, I did not mean to startle you, but I want to talk to you, and since you refused to take my phone call I decided to come and visit you.”

He laughs sadly. 

“When you visit someone, you don´t pick the lock and let yourself in; you get there and if you see the lights are off you leave, or if the lights are on you knock and wait to actually being invited to come in. I guess even you, with all your emotional and social skills underdevelopment would know that.”

That hurt… While we were together, Gregory never pointed out my faults and shortcomings in such a direct way. Yes, I know I lack the ability to handle emotions and that sometimes, when I act, I hold no regard to other persons, I just do what I dim necessary without taking into account if my actions would be considered an insult or transgression of personal or social boundaries. The times I intruded into Gregory’s life, he would just laugh it off… once he even said that he loved how oblivious I could be when I decided to solve his problems…

Mycroft grabs his umbrella and stands up.

“You are right; it was presumptuous of me to enter your home while you were out. I will leave now, but I really want to talk to you, could you please tell me when it will be convenient for you, to receive a visit from me?”

Gregory sighs and scratches the back of his head.

“Let´s just do that now, I don´t want to drag this any longer. I´m tired of this strange connection we´ve kept after we broke up. Please sit down, would you like something to drink?”

“Whatever you are having will be acceptable.”

“Right, beer it is then. Just wait a moment, I´ll go change into something more comfortable, grab the beers and I´ll be with you.”

Mycroft smiled a little and slightly nodded his head, while Gregory left the living room, heading to his bedroom.

He has changed… Well at least the way he talks to me. He just informed me what he was going to do, he didn´t ask if I agreed with it… while we were together, he would always consult with me before making a decision...  
I must stop this train of thought; I must stop compering how he acts now to how he acted while we were a couple. After all, that time I lost him to my arrogance.   
I hadn´t noticed how much of him I was asking, how much of his personality I made him repress. He has always been strong and self-assured, but somewhere along our relationship I did something to convince him that in some way he should comply to what I wanted.

“There you go. So what do you want to talk about?”

Mycroft took several seeps of his beer before finally looking to Gregory.

“Us Gregory, I want to talk about us.”

“Well aren´t you funny. There is no us, Mycroft. To be honest, I think there never was. There was always you, with your big important life, and then there was me, a fool accommodating enough to warm your bed for a few years, in exchange of the illusion of a relationship.”

“Please Gregory I just…”

“NO, STOP THAT AND GET OUT. YOU DON´T GET TO COME TO MY HOUSE TO TALK ABOUT US A YEAR AFTER WE BROKE UP. A YEAR AFTER I TRIED TO CONVINCE YOU TO TAKE A CHANCE ON ME.”

Greg got up and turned his back on Mycroft in order to control his anger and say calmly what he wanted to say.

“I won´t lie to you, I still love you, but I don´t intend on establishing with you a new… relationship/association or whatever it is you want, no matter what you say. Being with you turns me into this insecure person that I hate. I don´t know what it is about you, but when I´m with you I don´t care about anything but you, and I start making concessions in order to keep you, even though I know I don´t really have you…Please I don´t want to go back to that, just leave.”

“I am certain there is something I could say that would make you reconsider.”

Those words just made Greg´s anger flare up; without thinking about it, he turned around to see Mycroft…

“FUCK YOU!!! I SWEAR, MYCROFT, EITHER YOU GET OUT OF MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW, OR I´LL DRAG YOU OUT. BECAUSE IF THERE IS SOMETHING I ACOMPLISHED DURING THIS TIME, IT WAS TO GROW AT LEAST A LITTLE BACK BONE TO STAND UP TO YOU INSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY. SO DON´T EXPECT ME TO HIDE OUT IN MY BEDROOM OR LEAVE MY OWN HOUSE TO WAIT FOR YOU TO STEP OUTSIDE”.

“I beg you Gregory, listen to me.”

I´ve never heard him use that tone of voice. He sounds desperate…Oh my God, what is wrong with him? He looks… totally and completely defeated and… miserable. Maybe something happened to Sherlock, no wait, he said he wanted to talk about us, not about something else. But I don´t understand, I don´t think Mycroft is capable of working himself into that state if it´s not for Sherlock, the love-hate relationship with him is the only… sentimental… thing Mycroft allows in his life...I know I´ll regret this…

“OK… what is it you want to tell me?”

“As of yesterday I started making the proper arrangements to relinquish my work responsibilities. I expect that by this time next year, most of the issues that fill my agenda will be assigned to other capable hands.

“Wait, what happened? Did one of your negotiations went south? Is someone framing you of something? Is this about Moriarty? Wha…”

“No, nothing like that, It is a decision I am making on my own volition, no external pressures or situations are forcing me to leave. I simple reached a point in my life in which I find that it is in my best interest to quit my minor position in government, and simply be a sort of “consulting political mastermind”.

“What? You’re quitting your job? How is that even possible? How does one stop being the British Government? Can you do that? I mean, is it legal? Aren´t you going to be like… trailed for treason or being deported? 

“No Gregory I am simply… retiring, for lack of a better word. No one is indispensable, not even me. I have held the necessary conferences with my… employers and they have agreed to let me go, as long as I am available in the chance certain dire circumstances arise; otherwise I would simply function as a consultant, when necessary.”

“Why are you doing this? Why now?”

“Because, as you pointed out, I may be emotionally underdeveloped, but I am also a selfish bastard and I have reached a point where I realized that You are who I want and in order to get you I will do whatever is necessary.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that for the last 15 years I have actually worked as a minor government employee, and I´ve seen a lot of people come and go, despite their "power" or "influences", so I think it is possible for Mycroft to "quit his job", at least to some extent.


	7. Just...talking again (II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mycroft is still trying to convince Greg of his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter´s soundtrack would be "Without You" (David Guetta), our boys keep on agruing, because really, they making up couldn´t be easy, they are both too stubborn, and just didn´t let me to get to the angry make up sex yet lol
> 
> Once again, thanks to AnJoan Grey for being the beta of this story, YOU ARE AWESOME!!!
> 
>  
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - -

Of all the fucking things he could say… Really, does he think I´m that stupid? And now I can feel a headache coming, not to mention how my heart is feeling…

“Ok, just… get out of my house” Greg said, feeling defeated, while rubbing his eyes with one hand.

“Gregory please…”, Mycroft said, trying to approach him.

“No Mycroft, just leave… I can´t do this. You say you want me and that you will do anything to get me. Well guess what, I´m not a thing, you can´t just break into my apartment and take me back. I have a say in this too, you know?”

“Of course I know, Gregory, that is why I have been doing the proper arrangements this last month. Leaving my job, well, it is not something easy, I will always be tied to it in some way, but it is also true that no one is really indispensable, I mean, there was someone else doing my job before me, and in the event something irreparable was done to me, someone would have to take my place. What I am doing is making that change easier, by relinquishing my place on my own volition and preparing everything so the one who takes my place is prepared for it.”

“Who will take your place?... No never mind, you won´t tell me and I really don´t care… No, what I really want to know is for how long?”

“Excuse me, I do not understand your meaning Gregory, as I said I will be leaving my current position permanently, and even though I would still be required in some cases, THE WORK, won´t be taking so much of my time, as I told you I will only be a consultant.”

“No, that is not what I meant, I mean for how long playing house with me will be enough for you mmh? If last time, with your work, you got bored of our relationship (of me, Greg thought) in three years, I´m guessing this time around it would be just a few months, 6 tops, after all you like to think you try your best at everything. Obviously you will find some reason for our relationship to fail again, probably something I did or I didn´t do…”

“Gregory, I am sorry of the way I treated you before, but I promise you, if you give me another opportunity I will…”

“SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!! I don´t want to hear your excuses or promises or whatever.”

“They aren´t empty promises Gregory, believe me, I want to be with you for as long as I live. We belong together; you know that… We fit, in a way I never expected to fit with another human being. You understand me enough to know I love you. Before you, I felt… nothing, I hadn´t allowed myself to feel, but when you swept into my life I just… The feelings defeated me…”

“Yes Mycroft, we belonged together… for a while, but then, at some point, you just started distancing yourself from me; your fear was stronger than your love. And that hurt too much, knowing I wasn´t enough for you, that you didn´t trust me… us…it just drained the will to live out of me, you know LIVE... Since we parted, I have followed the same routine every day, I go to work and I come back home; sometimes I go out with John or visit Baker Street, and that´s it. I have forced myself to think of nothing but my work, because I just can´t deal with my feelings… I finally understood why you believe that caring for someone isn´t an advantage. For a while there, you won; I started seeing merit in your motto, but that is just not who I am, I´m a sentimental goldfish… Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“No, I do not want to hear that, but I know I deserve it… even more, I need to hear it so I do not make the same mistakes. I know I hurt you, but if you just let me, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

“Don´t you understand? I can´t do it anymore, you have already hurt me too much, what do you want now… to kill me? You broke me… and since you left I´ve been trying to put all the pieces back together… AND I THINK I COULD HAVE ALREADY DONE IT IF YOU WEREN´T ALWAYS THERE!!!! WHY CAN´T YOU JUST LET ME GO ON WITH MY LIFE?”

“BECAUSE YOU ARE MINE!!!!”

“I´M NOT A THING MYCROFT, YOU CAN´T OWN ME!!!”

“BUT I DO, AND YOU KNOW IT, WHAT’S MORE YOU CRAVE IT!!!”

“YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, YOU WERE SO SCARED, YOU CHOSE YOUR JOB OVER ME. YOU GAVE ME UP!!!”

“AND NOW I´M RECLAMING YOU!!!”

They weren´t sure how it all happened, one moment they were yelling to each other from opposite sides of the living room in Greg´s apartment, and in the next moment they were face to face, inches apart, and Mycroft did what he’d being dying to do since Greg arrived to the apartment, he just held him and kissed him with all the love and passion he felt for the DI, but also with all the anger and hatred he felt for himself since the day the pushed Greg out of his life.

How I´ve missed his kisses… No Greg, you can´t let yourself go, you have to push him away, make him back off…


	8. Just...reclaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mycroft and Greg just let go...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so smut, finally!!! It is my very first time writting it, so all and any constructive criticism will be welcomed, and please don´t expect perfection.
> 
> I want to say THANK YOU, to the awesome Krefftii who was kind of enough to read this before I posted it, she is an awesome writter and her smut writting is really really hot, if you don´t belive me go check out her story "Beyond the Mighty of Zoos" which is on the Star Treck fandom.
> 
> And also big THANK YOU to Anjoan Grey for being an awesome beta since the beginning of my crazy ramblings.
> 
> And the soundtrack of this chapter, well I had two songs in mind "Creep" by Radiohead (for personal reasons ahem) and "It´s coming back to me now" by Celine Dione (yeah, I know corny, but the lyrics fit the general mood of this chapter)

~~~~

* * *

 

“Don´t… Mycroft, stop…”

 

“No, you want this as much as I do.”

 

_Yes, I want this, I want to feel Mycroft once more, I want to get lost in his smell and his skin… I always feel a rush of power when we are together, yes Mycroft dominates our love making, but the fact that I´m the one who turns him in to this wild lover. It just makes me feel incredible… I, a simple DI, I am the one who makes the great Mycroft Holmes lose control… God!!!!!!!! I want him!!!!... Just once more…_

_Gregory is thinking too much…This has to stop…_

Mycroft kept kissing Greg as if he was trying to consume his very soul; and with firm hands he untucked his shirt from his trousers and undid each one of his buttons with precision.

 

_How can I be so turned on just by the way he takes my shirt off? It´s so unfair… I love how his hands feel on my back, the way he holds me, like I belong to him…_

And then, they both just stopped thinking; they concentrated on the feeling of each other. At least in this aspect, it was as if they had never been apart. Once Greg´s shirt fell to the floor, Mycroft proceeded to take off the rest of his clothes in a swift and efficient way. And while still kissing and touching whatever part of the other they could reach, they made it to the bedroom.

 

Despite the urgency they had displayed before, once they were on Greg´s bed, Mycroft took a second to look at the man he loved.

 

“Myc…”

 

Mycroft interrupted Gregory with a long, passionate kiss; he would never admit it, but he was afraid, he just knew that – if given a few moments, Greg would come back to his senses and throw him out of his apartment. So, he kept kissing and caressing Greg till he was sure that his beloved DI couldn´t think straight anymore.

 

Once lust overrode both of them again, it was like they had never been apart; they knew perfectly well where and how to touch each other; but it was more than pleasure, it was like coming home, reaching the one place where you belong.

 

Greg became bolder with each touch of Mycroft, and in a moment of unusual dominance for him, he flipped their positions, so he was the one above Mycroft. He didn´t lose a second and began kissing, licking and biting Mycroft´s neck and chest; then he trailed down his lover´s body, mapping and marking that body that once upon a time had been his territory. He took his time with Mycroft’s nipples, loving the groans and moans produced by his lover.

 

“Greg… please…”

 

Greg took that as his cue to keep exploring. How had he missed this, Mycroft´s body… Mycroft´s warmth… Mycroft´s smell… It was quite a wonderland where he was the king, it was his domain, because despite all the doubts, and all the pain Greg knew, he just knew, Mycroft wouldn´t give himself to anyone else the way he gave himself to Gregory. Yes, Mycroft was the dominant one in bed, but the way he let go of all his masks and coldness when they were together, that was something that was for Greg and no one else.

 

After licking Mycroft´s upper body to his heart’s content, Greg approached Mycroft´s cock; he trailed a finger from its base to the tip, trying to make sure this was real and not one from the dreams that had plagued his mind since the breakup. Greg pushed his thoughts out of his mind once more; no, he was going to enjoy this now, even if it killed him latter. Boldly, he took Mycroft´s cock into his hand and started pumping it just the right way.

 

“Greg… Stop…This… this is about you… let me…”

 

“No, if this is about me, then I will do what I want, and right now what I want is to take you, and do with you whatever I want…”

 

And without a second thought, Greg started sucking Mycroft´s cock.

 

_God!!! I am in heaven… Gregory has a really talented mouth… just a little bit more… just…_

With the experience he had on all things Mycroft, Greg knew the exact way to drive Mycroft crazy, and he also knew the exact moment to stop to leave him on the edge…

 

“Gregory, please, I´m so close…”

 

“I know, but remember, this is about me, not you,” Greg whispered, while he played with Mycroft´s nipples.

 

“Please I need you…”

 

“Did you said that to the ones that came after me?”

 

“You knew?”

 

“I know you are a selfish bastard who can´t deny himself his cravings. Yes I knew… I hopped perhaps you didn’t...”

 

Greg tried to get up, but Mycroft held him by the wrist, keeping the hands of the DI splayed over his chest. And he applied pressure till they were looking into each other’s eyes.

 

“No Greg, they meant nothing, none of them was enough, none of them… and it was just the first few months; after that, I couldn´t bring myself to be with anyone, I knew no one could compare to you.”

 

“Bloody hell!!! Why do I still want you, I´m so angry with you… but…”

 

Greg started kissing Mycroft again, he wanted to erase every kiss, every touch that those strangers had laid on his lover. Yes, Mycroft was his, and no one, no one could have him. Mycroft was his prize, he was what life owed him after his crappy marriage and his empty existence…

 

Mycroft responded to Greg´s passion with all he had; he wasn´t going to let Greg go, not his time. He started trailing his hands over Greg´s back, first gently and then a little bit roughly, using his nails to leave marks on his Gregory.

 

Greg´s response was as if they hadn´t parted a year before; he was wild and asking for more, that gave Mycroft the last push he needed. He moved his hands even lower and reached for Greg´s butt and started massaging it…How much he wanted to burry himself in his lover in order to reclaim him, but he knew he must wait…

 

“Lube and condoms are in the usual drawer…” Greg mumbled against Mycroft´s lips.

 

“What do you want Greg?”

 

“You. You inside of me…”

 

And without any delay, Mycroft reached into the drawer and took out the lube and condoms, he started preparing Greg slowly, and with a lot of care after all he knew the DI hadn´t been intimate with anyone since they broke up.

 

“Please Mycroft, now, get inside of me now, I need it…”

 

“Ride me, that way you can control how deep and how fast”

 

Greg moaned.

 

“God, you saying things like that, with that voice, it´s too much…”

 

“Really Gregory? Why is it too much? I was simply stating that I want you to sit on my cock and fuck yourself. I want to see you taking your pleasure from me.”

 

Greg moaned again, he couldn´t wait anymore. He started to lower himself onto Mycroft´s cock, he wanted to feel him inside, but he knew he had to take things slowly. After a few moments he was completely sat on Mycroft, and after he adjusted to having his lover inside of him, he started to move, searching for the right angle. When he found it, he started fucking himself in earnest; it had been too long, too long.

 

Being like that with Mycroft… It was more than simply satisfying a physical need; it was having the man he loved as close as possible once again, it was mind-blowing and heart-breaking all at once, knowing probably this will be the last time…

 

Mycroft easily picked that stray thought, as it was reflecting in his lover’s eyes.

 

“No, Gregory, not the last time. I love you”

 

“Mycroft…”

 

“Ssh, just enjoy this, my love.”

 

While Gregory kept fucking himself, Mycroft grabbed his cock and started pumping it. They both were really close, it had been too long, and their emotions were running high…They came almost at the same time, Mycroft managed to delay his orgasm a few seconds in order to watch Gregory; he just adored to see his lover come; there wasn´t anything more beautiful or erotic.

 

Once they both had rode the last waves of their release, Mycroft got up and went to the bathroom to wash himself; then, he ran a warm bath and took a towel in order to clean Greg.

 

Once they were both clean, Mycroft climbed into bed, pulled the covers over the both of them and hugged Gregory, who placed his head on Mycroft´s shoulder.

 

“We need to talk”

 

“Tomorrow, rest now.”

 

“You won´t leave the moment I fall asleep?”

 

“No, I will not leave, I told you Gregory, I came here to reclaim you.”

 

“You’re a prick.”

 

“Yes, Gregory, you have pointed that out before. Now go on, sleep.”

 

And before they realized it, they were both sound asleep in each other arms.

 


	9. Just..trying again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg and Mycroft try to work thing out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story reached 1000 hits!!! I cant´belive it. I want to say thank you to all of you who have left comments and/or kudos. Well in general thank you to all of you who have read this story, would like to hear what you think, but no pressure.
> 
> Once again thank you to my beta AnJoan Grey who is an awesome writter, and thank you to Krefftii who proofread this last two chapters, she is also an awesome writter, but must of all she has become a great friend :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter, the soundtrack for it is "You are in love"-Taylor Swift.

* * *

 

_How can lying in bed with him feel so right… we are cuddling for fuck sakes and I´m the little spoon… I´m dreading the moment everything finally clicks in, and I realize what a big mistake it was to have sex…_

 

“They say sex complicates everything”, Greg mumbled still nestled in Mycroft arms.

 

“Well I must say I do not know who says that my dear, but _they_ are obviously wrong,” Mycroft murmured while holding Greg tighter, his nose against his lover’s neck.

 

“No, _they_ aren´t… This doesn´t solve anything between us…Well, maybe the sexual tension, but that´s about it… Right now I´m just even more confused than when I arrived home to find you sitting on my couch…”, Greg said, sadly.

 

Mycroft´s arms tensed around Greg, and with all the sincerity that still existed in his jaded heart, he said:

“Please, give me another chance, I will do better this time.”

 

“I want to believe you… God I want it so much, but I…”

 

“Please, I beg you… just try,” Mycroft whispered against Greg´s neck.

 

“If we do this, will you give me time? Will you back off when I tell you I need space?”

 

“Yes, I will abide to your rules. We can take this as slowly as you want.”

 

“You won´t pressure me into moving in together, and won´t complain about my work. Must of all, you won´t try to solve my problems and won´t expect me to always say yes, and…” _God, I sound like a demanding brat…_

 

“I will be just what you want Gregory.” Mycroft interrupted.

 

“Then… just be yourself. That´s all I want… I´m not making much sense, am I? Being a control freak and a bastard is part of who you are, and I don´t expect you to change that”, said Greg laughing good-naturedly.

 

“Gregory. I…”

 

“Oh. No. I´m sorry, please, don´t take that the wrong way, you are like that, but you are so much more, and… I love you… just the way you are. I don´t really want to change who you are, not even for me. What I want is for you to be with me, really be with me. Do I make any sense?”

 

“Yes Gregory, you do. I promise I will do my best to be your partner, and be there for you. But… well, as much as it pains me to accept it, it will take time… For all my expertise in a wide range of subjects, sentiment is something I know little of.”

 

“I don´t expect it to be perfect. Nothing is, I want us to try, to be there for each other. We´ll have problems, everyone does, will just have to work them out… You know, my parents have these three rules about their relationship: be honest without being hurtful; never go to bed angry with each other, and, the most important one _What you can do, I can do_ ”, Greg said, smiling widely.

 

“I understand the first two, but the last one is not that clear to me.”

 

“Well, imagine you call me, and for some reason I don´t answer my phone; you try again and again and I´m still not answering. How would you feel? What would you do? Assuming you didn´t have access to every freaking CCTV camera in London.”

 

“I´ll probably be worried.”

 

“And…”

 

“And what?”

 

“Wouldn´t you be angry, especially if by the time we meet each other I´m fine, not a victim of a deadly accident, acting like always and show no evidence that at least I noticed that you tried to call me?”

 

“Yes, I would probably be upset; especially since in this scenario you are describing everything points to the fact that there was nothing that hinder you in some way or obstructed access to your phone.”

 

“Exactly, you would be angry, and would probably fight…”

 

“Gregory; I do not understand how this is related to your _Third Golden Rule._ ”

 

“ _Third Golden Rule_? Ha. Well you see, it the time comes when it is you who doesn´t answer the call, the third rule would give me pause to think about how I made the same mistake, and it will help me realize that not answering your phone doesn´t mean you don’t love me or don´t care, but that you were busy or distracted. That it is just something that happened and that I shouldn´t search for a hidden message or insult in that occurrence.”

 

“I see… So your parents never fight thanks to that _Third Golden Rule_?”

 

“God, no!!!! They always fight… But I guess sometimes they do it because it´s fun for them – said Greg smiling fondly. No, they do have their problems and sometimes they use that rule to get one up on the other, you know? The point is, that rule helps them level things up, and have perspective.”

 

Greg was quiet for a few moments, with a faraway look, Mycroft concluded he was remembering something, probably his life at home. _He seems so content, his life has been a far cry from what Sherlock and I have gone through..._

“I remember one time Dad got upset because he called Mom to work, and according to him, she hanged up on him _quite rudely_. She tried to explain to him that at the moment she was busy with a difficult client and couldn´t hang up with an _I love you_ , at risk of being seen as unprofessional. My Dad wasn´t ok with her for a few days, but then it was Mom who called Dad to work, and it was he who had to hang up _swiftly and efficiently_ … I guess that at some point after that call, Dad realized Mom wouldn’t confront him about that, since she had done the same, and he just understood. That night when he got home, he just held her tightly and smiled to her in that special way of them. That was the last time I saw they arguing about the phone calls at work.

They also used the rule to have their own space, you know. For example, if Dad went out with his friends to the pub one Friday, next Friday would be Mom´s turn to go out with her friends. As much as they love each other, and as much as they have built a life together, each one of them has their own identity, their own friends and interests, and they let each other be.”

 

“And that is the kind of relationship you want Gregory?”

 

“Yes, don’t you? Two individuals who decided to become a couple”, said Grey smiling, but in seconds his eyes filled with worry, and he said: “I don´t want to fall back in the way our relationship was at the end. For a few months there I lost myself, I wasn’t sure if my needs, my wants and my thoughts were mine or just a reflection of yours…”

 

“I am sorry.”

 

“I know… So! Where are you taking me for our first date?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so you know, the rules Greg talks about are the ones my husband and I have applied since we started our relationship 14 year ago: 4 years going out and 10 year of marriage, and I can tell you, they have actually worked for us lol


	10. Just...together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobady can deny it, Mycroft and Greg were destined to be together :-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the final chapter of this story, hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writting it. My first posted story ever!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy.
> 
> Big thank you to AnJoan Grey who betaed chapters 1 to 9, you are awesome hope to read your new story soon :-)
> 
> Big thank you to Krefftii who helped me with the smut scene and was beta for this last chapter. Love you girl!!!
> 
> Big thank you for EventHorizon, your opinion helped me turn this into a multichapter story with a happy ending.
> 
> Enormous thank you for lemmondropped, your comments always made me smile, and as I told you, I felt like I hadn´t updated till I had read them :-)
> 
>  
> 
> \-----------------------------

Ten years, we have been together for ten years now, despite my doubts and worries…For months after I decide to give Mycroft a second chance, I would wake up fearing that it would be the day Mycroft would once again start pulling away from me.

 

I was so afraid he would break my heart again, I didn´t realize how guarded I was being about my feelings and thoughts. Now I can see that if Mycroft hadn´t been so committed to our relationship, he would have left, believing I wasn´t worth the effort.

 

I remember our second _first date_ , he tried to make it perfect, taking me to a restaurant I really liked and making sure all my favourites were on the table not 5 minutes after we arrived. But I still felt so _raw._ I couldn´t relax, I kept looking for hidden messages in everything he said or did. I don´t think I ate much that night, and when he finally took me back to my flat, I couldn´t bring myself to kiss him, even if just a few nights before we had been intimate.

 

After that date, he made sure to ask me out at least once a week, except when he travelled abroad because of work, and he constantly sent me presents, little things he knew I would appreciate. Like a cup of great coffee waiting for me on my desk, on the days I was called early to work; delicious food delivered to my office when, due to work, I missed lunch; books, tea, biscuits and even flowers. He was for all intents and purposes wooing me…But for the life of me I just couldn´t open up, couldn´t be my normal carefree self around him.

 

I became this horrible, demanding, nightmarish _boyfriend_ …Always doubting him, always defensive, always testing him…I think it would have gone on like that forever if Sherlock hadn´t intervened…It was so embarrassing when, once again, during a Xmas Party, in front of friends and colleagues, he blurted out how crappy my love life was; but it was the push I needed; hearing him say “OH for fuck sakes Graham, either you forgive my brother or break up with him. It is disgusting to see him running after you like a puppy, trying to please you”, it made me open my eyes.

 

That night I asked Mycroft to take me to his house, we didn´t make love then; we just talked and talked and talked some more, until we had both laid bare our fears and doubts; realizing what a pair of fools we had been. I was so afraid of losing Mycroft again, but at the same time I had been doing everything to keep him at arms’ length, while Mycroft was afraid of making the same mistakes as before. So in an attempt to show me that he loved me and respected me, he thought it was best to comply with everything I wanted, even if that meant accepting that our relationship wouldn´t be as warm as it was before…

 

Well I don´t think anyone can blame us for those first shitty months, neither of us was an expert on relationships, we were a pair of jaded men trying to figure out how to be a couple, how to make love grow and last…I guess it was to be expected that our road together would be filled with lessons learned through trial and error.

 

After that talk, everything went smoother; I was finally ready to forgive and forget, as they say and Mycroft was ready to keep his promises, without making unnecessary sacrifices, but instead looking for compromises.

 

That night we decided to move in together, and by the time Mycroft had officially stopped being the _British Government_ , we had reached our own version of _domestic bliss_ , which was far from what other people would imagine. Really what did they expect? We could never lead a _normal, peaceful_ life, so yes our everyday life included visits to the morgue, crime scene photographs, top secret files and babysitting of a highly functional sociopath. But that was ok for us, if it had been different, we would have ended up shooting at the walls of our home out of boredom. That is why, after I quit my job at NSY, I became a consultant, a legit one, not unlike certain crazy genius. Of course sometimes Mycroft had to leave…the first time that happened he asked me not question him. It went without saying that his request applied to every trip that he would made in the future…It wasn´t easy seeing him go, without knowing where he was heading to, not knowing if he would be safe, but we managed and eventually, a time came when there were no more calls from private numbers requesting his presence.

 

But of course, the calls from silly young students have never stopped…but I had better not think of that or I could be tempted to go on a killing spree. Really the nerve of some of them…Couldn´t they possibly chose someone else besides my Mycroft to project their daddy issues? Nooo, it has to be him, I just hate it so much when they turn all flirty and bat their eyelashes at him, oh those little…Ok, time to calm down or I will ruin dinner, and it has to be perfect…it is our anniversary.

 

When Mycroft decided to start teaching at University, it really didn´t surprised me, yes he may not tolerate other human beings, but he has a way with young people, I guess it was all that practice with Sherlock…It pains me to see how his brother is still a sore subject for him, yes now they have a better relationship, but Mycroft still believes he could have done more for his brother. I guess that is why he tries to help his students in every way he can, he kind of sees it as redemption. I´ve never really understood it, the extent of his need to protect Sherlock, after all he is his older brother, not his father. My parents taught my siblings and I to be caring and supportive of each other, but they never made us feel as if we were responsible for each other. They showed us through their actions that they, Mom and Dad were the adults, the ones who should look after us, they would have never delegated that responsibility to anyone, especially us, their children; well each family has its’ own ways of dealing with their problems…

 

Ten years together…who would have thought it possible…and I love him each day a little bit more, oh yes, he sometimes drives me crazy and a couple of times a year I want to take a holiday far, far away from him…but the truth is I can´t imagine my life without him.

 

For me he is just…the love of my life.


End file.
